Interviews these days...

Posted by Stefan Kecskes on Friday, May 3, 2024

Interviews these days…

Interviews are the dreaded part of the job search process. They can be nerve-wracking, stressful, and sometimes downright bizarre. Only software engineers will understand what I am talking about. What if I could show how conversations on interviews feel to non-software engineers? Let’s explore some hypothetical scenarios where interviews are conducted in a typical way for software engineers.

If Job Hunters were interviewed like Software Engineers

Interviewer: Welcome, and thank you for joining us today. Let’s jump right into it, shall we?

Interviewer: Firstly, tell me about your experience with job hunting. What’s the most creative way you’ve applied for a position?

Candidate: Well, I once created a personalized video résumé showcasing my skills and why I was the perfect fit for the job. I also sent it along with a box of chocolates to the hiring manager.

Interviewer: Impressive! Now, onto our next question. Imagine you’re on a deserted island, and your only companion is a talking parrot. How would you use this unique situation to find your dream job?

Candidate: Uh, I suppose I’d start by asking the talking parrot for career advice and see if it has any connections in the industry.

Interviewer: Interesting approach. Now, let’s say you’re stranded in a job interview and the interviewer asks you to perform a magic trick. What do you do?

Candidate: Well, I’d probably pull a resume out of my sleeve and make it appear as if by magic, showcasing my skills and experience.

Interviewer: Clever! Now, onto a more serious question. How would you navigate the tricky waters of negotiating your salary with a potential employer?

Candidate: I’d do thorough research on industry standards and my own market value, then confidently present my case for why I deserve the salary I’m asking for.

Interviewer: Excellent strategy. Finally, if you were a bird, what kind of bird would you be and why?

Candidate: I think I’d be an eagle because they’re bold, visionary, and always striving for new heights.

Interviewer: Fascinating choice. Well, thank you for your imaginative responses. We’ll be in touch soon with our decision.

Candidate: Thank you for the opportunity. If you need any further information or have any other questions, feel free to reach out.

If Fishermen were interviewed like Software Engineers

Interviewer: Thanks for coming in today…

Interviewer: First things first, can you tell me what ‘angling’ is?

Candidate: It’s the technique of fishing using a hook and line.

Interviewer: Correct. Now, can you explain how you would bait a hook to catch a great white shark?

Candidate: Um, well, I think that’s a bit extreme for recreational fishing…

Interviewer: Just humor me, please.

Candidate: Okay, I’d probably use a large piece of bait like a seal or a tuna.

Interviewer: Interesting choice. Now, can you demonstrate how you would reel in a swordfish using only dental floss?

Candidate: Excuse me?

Interviewer: It’s a hypothetical scenario, just go with it.

Candidate: Well, I suppose I’d start by attaching the floss to the hook and then…

Interviewer: nodding Go on.

Candidate: …and then I’d probably get pulled into the water by the sheer force of the fish.

Interviewer: Good, good. Adaptability is key in this job. Now, onto our next question…

Interviewer: I noticed on your resume you have experience working in intensive care units. How would you handle a patient who claims to be a mermaid?

Candidate: Um, well, I’d first assess their medical condition and then…

Interviewer: No, no, I mean they’re convinced they’re a mermaid, tail and all.

Candidate: I…I’m not sure how to respond to that.

Interviewer: Just pretend you’re swimming in the deep end of imagination.

Candidate: Right…well, I suppose I’d gently explain the reality of their situation and ensure they receive appropriate care.

Interviewer: Excellent answer. Lastly, what would you do if you were a fish?

Candidate: Probably start a union for better working conditions.

If Shop Assistants were interviewed like Software Engineers

Interviewer: Thanks for coming in today…

Interviewer: First things first, can you tell me what ‘customer satisfaction’ means to you?

Candidate: It means ensuring that customers leave with a smile on their face and feeling like their needs were met.

Interviewer: Great. Now, can you explain the theory of relativity?

Candidate: Um, I think that’s a bit outside the scope of this interview…

Interviewer: Just kidding! Moving on… I have this stack of boxes and some packing tape, please show me how you would package a pineapple.

Candidate: Well, typically, we wouldn’t package fresh produce like pineapples in boxes. We’d usually use produce bags or containers.

Interviewer: I know, but I just want to see how you would do it anyway.

Candidate: …Alright?

Interviewer: gets close and scrutinizes

Candidate: awkwardly tapes the pineapple

Interviewer: leans in even closer, silently watching

Candidate: There, all done. What’s next?

Interviewer: still scrutinizing Thank you for that, I think you could have been a bit more precise with the tape…

Interviewer: Moving on… I noticed on your resume you have experience with cash handling and have applied for the cashier position. Are you happy to cover our inventory management as well?

Candidate: Would the appropriate training be provided for that?

Interviewer: chuckles… coughs no

Interviewer: Finally, what would you do if you were a shopping cart?

Candidate: Roll away from this conversation.